Beyond the Coffee Chat: Common Mistakes that Thwart Networking Potential

For senior lawyers, the invitation from a young lawyer requesting a virtual coffee chat and what follows is predictable. The exchange, whether through a LinkedIn message or a video meeting, always begins with the standard compliments shifting to a similar sequence of queries that conclude with the usual entreaty: I really admire your career. Why did you become a lawyer? What advice can you give me to become successful like you? Will you be my mentor?

Most law students or new lawyers reaching out to me are well-intentioned and their request for an introductory meeting signals ambition. But often the conversation is a scripted recitation of a checklist of template questions seeking generic advice ineffectual both for their career enhancement or to help form genuine rapport. A recent exchange with a newly-called lawyer, who was clearly bright and hard-working, left me frustrated as they failed to pick up on my cues that their obvious stock questions and rehearsed speaking points were unlikely to elicit the professional insights they really needed.

I probed why this individual was seeking me out as a mentor as opposed to a lawyer they worked with during articling. They replied that they hadn’t built a connection with their articling supervisor. As I thought about how the articling component of licensing has become more compressed, it occurred to me that the traditional means of creating enduring mentoring relationships have shrunk. As someone who had the privilege of learning from extraordinary dedicated mentors, who decades later continue to be my trusted advisors, I passionately believe in the value of mentoring.

This experience caused me to wonder whether law students and young lawyers are taught how to network and what a real mentoring relationship means? Are the Bar associations’ ordinary networking events productive for new practitioners who are equity-identifying? Where can newcomers to the profession go to get practical advice to avoid common networking mistakes? Are experienced lawyers dedicating sufficient time towards mentoring the next generation of lawyers?

So, I reached out to my 2022-3 articling student and mentee, Tej, to discuss what the next generation of lawyers need to know about networking effectively and what makes a successful mentoring relationship. Tej is well-qualified to share insights on the topic. As a result of a bad vehicle accident (not her fault), Tej’s articling term was extended and we continued to work together during her delayed Bar studies, giving us substantial opportunity to collaborate as part of her experiential and professional training.

Here’s our conversation about our respective experiences with ineffectual coffee chats, awkward networking events, the importance of feedback, what makes a productive mentee-mentor bond and why asking a senior lawyer at a networking event to serve as your mentor will rarely achieve the desired outcome.

Tej: When you shared your frustration with the young lawyer reading from what sounded like a list of AI-generated questions before requesting you to be their mentor, I embarrassingly remembered doing the same thing before being called to the Bar. After being introduced to a highly successful lawyer at a networking event whose practise interested me, I asked him to meet for coffee. Before meeting, I remember nervously searching online for appropriate networking questions. The questions were nearly identical to the ones you mentioned that the young lawyer asked. And, yes, I ended this coffee chat asking whether he would mentor me. He kindly agreed, but nothing came of it. I cringe and laugh at myself because, at the time, I thought I had successfully networked, but looking back I realize I solicited mentorship without even laying the foundation for a professional relationship.

Ena: Don’t feel bad - you did exactly what many people do when they approach me. From my vantage point, there are two parts to the problem. The first is that pro forma questions often aren’t relevant to what the young lawyer needs and don’t facilitate an authentic conversation. I’m flummoxed whenever I’m asked by a young lawyer what challenges I faced at the start of my career. My answer is that my career commenced before ubiquitous use of the internet. So, while there are some lessons from my early experiences that are timeless and universal, for example about sexism, instead why don’t we discuss what are the challenges you’re currently facing. Rather than defaulting to these rote questions, if a young lawyer is genuinely interested in learning about a senior lawyer’s practice, they can demonstrate it by discussing a legal case the senior lawyer worked on. In the past, when law students asked me for mentorship, before meeting with them, I first would have them select an interesting case I had worked on to read. If they came prepared for our meeting to talk about the case, it showed real interest and commitment, and the case provided a useful springboard for conversations about my experiences and career path and the competing legal values underpinning the case.

The second problem, as you properly identified, is that some new practitioners mistake coffee chats as creating a professional attachment for mentorship. People often conflate networking with mentoring when these are different experiences with different purposes. Networking is making social connections to expand professional opportunities related to your field to bolster your practice. Sometimes it turns into a real friendship, but more often it’s simply a new LinkedIn acquaintance, which doesn’t translate into meaningful mentorship. Mentoring is a long-term relationship aimed at fostering deeper connections and conversations about navigating career and ethical issues and sharing perspectives to grow professionally. In law, traditionally, the principal-articling arrangement was the main vehicle for mentorship. I believe mentorship means both parties are investing in the relationship such that it’s not just the junior extracting career advice, but rather it’s an exchange for mutual professional enhancement.

Given that you completed an extended articling term and we’ve continued our mentorship conversations, how would you describe what mentorship means for you?

Tej: As a South Asian woman and first-generation lawyer, mentorship from you and others gave me the confidence to succeed and showed me that I belonged in a profession that historically may not have had lawyers like me. I think it greatly influenced my professional development because our conversations were more than just about my career progress. The mentoring talks were about how I worked, what I did well, where I could improve and the reasoning behind choosing one approach over another. The talks involving constructive feedback taught me that mistakes are not failures, but opportunities to try again and implement different methods. Some of the most valuable conversations were about ethical considerations, professional integrity and client relations. In turn, I hope I served as a sounding board to you by helping generate ideas and practice strategy. I truly appreciate that mentorship means investment of time and emotional labour in helping me become the best version of myself.

Ena: And now you’re mentoring a newly called lawyer too. How has that been?

Tej: Mentoring a new lawyer has given me a newfound appreciation for the time, care and guidance that mentors pour into supporting mentees. I used to believe that the mentor had it easier than the mentee, until I had to step into my own mentor shoes and navigate my first “mentoring talk” about the importance of professional commitments.

I remember confiding to one of my mentors about a professional situation involving myself and my mentee that could have been handled better. My mentor’s response was simple: “Well, are you going to share your reflections and engage in a constructive conversation with your mentee?” It was in that moment that I realized that the tables had turned. I had to now facilitate a constructive feedback conversation. I felt a weight of responsibility towards my mentee so I prepared speaking notes and played out the conversation in my head. After the conversation, I reflected on the ways I could have been more effective and what I would do differently next time. I had an “aha” moment that mentorship is a mutually beneficial exercise. While I was supporting my mentee’s development, the experience taught me that I was also cultivating my communication skills for challenging conversations and learning how to generate trust in difficult situations. And now I know that mentorship doesn’t materialize through a quick networking coffee chat.

Ena: On the topic of networking, I have seen you circulate at OBA and SABA events and can tell that you’ve honed some strong networking skills. Can you share some tips?

Tej: Well, I had the benefit of working with you when you taught Power & Politics to Osgoode-Schulich JD-MBA students. I remember every student in that course described networking as forced and uncomfortable, some perceived it as transactional and others even called it calculating. I remember that we discussed how the pandemic compounded those feelings because the students had lost many normal opportunities of socialization, like hallway and lunch conversations, clubs, placements, etc. But what stayed with me the most was how you created the mock networking exercise where students had to practise entering a networking event, engage in a conversation with someone they didn’t know, demonstrate active listening, moving through the room carrying a beverage, finding points of connection and exiting the conversation gracefully to speak with another colleague. I noticed that everyone initially seemed awkward, but they gradually became more comfortable and less clumsy in conversing and circulating. I realized networking is a practised skill and, like all skills, practicing professional socializing makes it easier each time. Since I can’t recreate the exercise you designed, I’ve listed some tips below^₁ to help law students and new practitioners approach networking with confidence and ease.

Ena: You mentioned being a first-generation lawyer. It’s an important point to remember that the demographics of the legal profession have changed significantly. According to the Law Society of Ontario’s 2024 Snapshot of Lawyers, new lawyers are more diverse than any previous generation, with 57.6% of lawyers called in 2024 identifying as women and 53.3% as racialized. Clearly the need for mentorship from established lawyers who have shared lived backgrounds will be critical for these new calls. No doubt many of these junior practitioners are like you and I who never had the opportunity to absorb the tacit knowledge that comes from being raised in a family where dinner conversations were about the law or have relatives to easily facilitate professional introductions and provide on the spot guidance. In this way, I think mentorship is an access to justice issue for our profession.

Who gets access to senior lawyers to secure mentorship is influenced by the same systemic forces that can hinder career growth for equity-identifying groups, including homogenous social networks, under-valuing certain areas of legal practice and foreign credentials, the gender bind and child-care penalty for women, financial barriers, etc. I’m concerned that senior practitioners are not sufficiently attentive to how much our informal networks grant professional opportunities. We too often offer our time and attention to those who most easily access our circle and fail to notice how this structure replicates privilege and power. For example, how many networking events have you attended that were fully accessible for people with disabilities?

Tej: Unfortunately, I can’t think of many networking events that were fully accessible for people with disabilities. Recently, I attended the annual gala of a professional association which garners hundreds of attendees. The event had no captions for the speakers, acoustics were terrible and layout gave no consideration to accessibility for those who are blind or have mobility disabilities. These structural and often invisible barriers send an unwelcoming message that not only undermines a sense of belonging for equity-identifying groups but can adversely impact career advancement. From an access to justice perspective, what do you think are some practical ways that senior practitioners can start to meaningfully address and dismantle networking and mentorship barriers?

Ena: If the legal profession is truly committed to promoting inclusion and equity, senior counsel need to start asking themselves who they sponsor and lend their social capital to, who readily acquires their time and advice, who is left out and who actually needs the support. Often those most in need of networking opportunities and mentorship are the ones who are least visible to senior counsel because they don’t move in the same setting or due to the exclusionary dynamics that you mentioned about that gala. One thing I do is actively follow equity-identifying law groups, such as CABL, FALCO, SABA, KCLA, CMLA, CALD, EGALE and WLAO, so I can better understand the issues affecting those communities and identify lawyers who may be well placed to connect with new practitioners I meet from those communities. I’ve listed some other tips below² of easy ways that senior lawyers can make networking more effective.

For students and new practitioners, there’s no better time to develop and hone your networking and mentoring skills. The OBA offers an array of avenues through which to practise, build your confidence and forge new connections. Peruse our CPD calendar to find a program or event that fits your objectives and interests and put these practical tips to the test.

If you’re curious about networking but haven’t quite worked up the nerve to attend an event on your own, we have an opportunity for you: Just Try It, a new magazine feature that sends lawyers out to try something new and report back on the experience. We’re looking for someone to attend their first networking event—and we’ll help make it happen. Email editor@justmag.ca for more information.

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Five Easy Ways Senior Lawyers Can Make Networking Matter